"Great Truths" even Golfers can understand!

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"

13. Definition of a teen-ager. God's punishment for enjoying sex.

14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

15. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

16. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just "chunky dunk."

17. The early bird still has to eat worms.

18. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.

19. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

20. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

21. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

22. My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.

23. Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

24. Why is it that our children! can't r ead a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

25. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

26. Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

 

 

 

I have known Dennis for more than 15 years and there is no one else in the golf business that knows what is going on in golf better than Dennis.

If you need help in selling a golf course or buying a course, Dennis can put you with the right contacts.

If you are having trouble making your golf course profitable, just call Dennis and he will put you with right marketing contacts that will help you get yourself turned around.

If you need to use your buying power better in buying merchandise, equipment, or remodeling your club, Dennis is the man to call.

If you are looking for key people to manage your property, Dennis always has an excellent list of experienced people who he can recommend to you for the job.

In fact, if you are looking to sell, buy, manage, market, stock, finance, re-stock or re-staff, there is no one better to call than Dennis.  

Bobby West
Vice President of Operations
US Land Investments